Three words I never thought I’d hear…..you.have.cancer.

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Nature pic

I’ve been an avid exerciser most of my adult life. In high school, I poured my heart into gymnastics and cheer. In college, when I did exercise (let’s just say I was really social), I did whatever group fitness classes were hot at that time and lots of running.

Post-college, running was my jam and I dabbled in a little yoga. Over the past 15 years or so, I’ve participated in just about every group fitness class imaginable and ran a lot of races before I got into CrossFit and Olympic weightlifting.

Now, my workout routine mostly consists of strict gymnastic work, Olympic lifting, powerlifting and a small amount of cardiovascular training. I feel strong, I’ve found my fitness groove, I’m in the best shape of my life… and I have cancer.

I Did Everything Right

It all started a couple of weeks ago when I went for my annual mammogram screening. I’ve been having regular mammograms for about 10 years now due to lumps resulting from fibrocystic breast disease, which is fairly common in young women. I have what doctors refer to as “busy breasts” because the tissue is very dense and can form fibroadenomas that come and go.

I was called back within a day or two and asked to come in for a follow-up mammogram, so the radiologist could take a closer look at an area that looked suspicious. At the follow-up visit, I was told that I would definitely need a biopsy, so it was scheduled it for the following week.

My mammogram showed a cluster of microcalcifications in my left breast. The findings were very small, so they had to perform a stereotatic, breast biopsy that uses mammography to identify the location. This would be my 5th breast biopsy in total, I had two core needle biopsies in each breast back in 2013 for what would later be diagnosed as benign fibroadenomas.

I received my results a couple of days later that my pathology report showed that I had Ductal Carcinoma in SITU, high nuclear grade (level 3) and estrogen receptor positive.

The Call

The kids and I had come home from dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant and there was a message on our answering machine from my breast oncologist, who is also our friend and neighbor, letting me know that he had gotten my biopsy results back and it was definitely something that we need to discuss.

He left the message at 8:22pm, so I knew right then it was serious business. I sent a message to his wife to give him my cell number and asked if he was able to call me back. He returned my call right away and gave me the news, that I had cancer but it was caught early.

In SITU means that it hasn’t spread past the ducts, the cells are contained. I was in shock and very calm. We discussed the pathology report and the next steps for treatment. The next order of business was an MRI to make sure that nothing was missed and the BRCA test to check my DNA .

It’s Good To Be Proactive

My diet has always been pretty good, but over the last 5 years it’s been pretty great. I eat mostly whole foods and very minimal processed foods, with lots of vegetables and fruits, lean meats (I don’t eat much saturated fat), healthy fats and fiber-rich whole grains.

I’ve been so passionate about my healthy lifestyle that I wanted to help other people achieve their best health and that’s how I got involved in blogging and coaching in the fitness industry. I’ve invested so much time trying to do everything right and help to educate others, yet I still got cancer. Sometimes, we just can’t outsmart our DNA.

If I could accomplish anything with sharing my story, I pray that it can increase awareness and motivate young women to get screened. If you can find it early, your chance of survival is great. I’m so grateful that mine was caught early, before it became invasive. So for the love of God, check your boobies!

The Wait is Agony

Today, it’s been one week since my diagnosis. Yesterday, we met the plastic surgeon who will be doing my breast reconstruction. We discussed expanders, took some measurements and went over the whole reconstruction process. It was a lot to digest. Thank God Flynn was there, he is a medical nerd and asked all the right questions. My head has been spinning with information. It’s so hard to process it all.

To back up a bit, I decided with my oncologist to go with a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. Due to the nature of my cancer being high nuclear grade (level 3),meaning it can have a higher chance of recurrence, mastectomy was the safest option. Also, having estrogen receptor positive cancer means that my hormones feed my cancer. In order to, hopefully, avoid being on Tamoxifen (a hormone suppressing drug) for 5+ years, the mastectomy was the best choice.

I may still need radiation and possibly, Tamoxifen, if my MRI comes back that it’s in my lymph nodes. The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow and I’ll have those results back sometime next week. I went to genetic counseling today to take the BRCA test to see if I carry a gene that makes me more susceptible for breast and ovarian cancer. I’m praying that this comes back negative. If I’m BRCA positive, then a hysterectomy is recommended to prevent ovarian cancer. No more surgeries….two is enough.

Everything is happening so fast. I’m just trying to take things one day at a time. The physical impact of cancer is difficult, but the emotional impact of cancer is half the battle. No one can prepare you for this kind of news. Reality hits me in waves. There are definitely highs and lows. Being at the cancer center today made it very real.

I had a hard time driving home, because I could barely see the road from the tears. How is this happening to my body? How is this even real? It feels like a really bad dream, but I don’t dare ask God “Why me?” because really “Why not me?!” Kids don’t deserve cancer. Pediatric cancer patients break my heart. We need to find a cure. Cancer seriously sucks.

My heart has grown so much more compassionate for people dealing with these things. I understand the fear of the unknown, the agony of waiting, the emotional roller coaster that takes you for a daily ride. At the same, the blessings flow from thoughtful messages to prayer requests and kind gestures from so many people.   I feel the loving embrace of everyone around me and know that I’m definitely not in this alone.

Read more about my journey battling breast cancer and how you can reduce your own risk:

Climbing The Mountain

The Last Day

The Rocky Road To Recovery

Easter Blessings

Ten Tips To Manage Stress and Improve Your Health

Five Things You Can Do Now to Reduce Your Risk of Getting Cancer
SaveSave

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Comments

  1. Denise Armbruster says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:37 am

    Oh Amee my stomach dropped to the floor along with my jaw. I am so sorry. You are one of healthiest women I know, how can this be? I will be praying every day for you. You are strong strong woman physically and that has to be helpful with your journey. Much love many prayers for you and your family.

    Reply

  2. Heather Tallman says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:44 am

    Oh Amee. I just know that as bad as this feels today- you will feel so much more peace once the surgery is complete. I hope you can bypass Tamoxifen. I just know this is going to be ok and I am so glad you have a strong support system. You are strong, you are healthy and your body can fight this. I know it!

    Reply

  4. Laura @ Family Spice says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:51 am

    For someone who was given a scary diagnosis, you certainly wrote a beautiful and positive post about it. My mother is a breast cancer surviver. Hers was post-menopausal, she did not breast feed (which is what doctors in the 70’s recommended to working moms) and she was on hormone therapy for 10+ years. Like you said, even when you do everything right, you can’t fight genetics. I pray you get the right test results soon and will make a full recovery. You are a bright light, Amee, and I am certain your positive and radiant outlook will pull you through this. xxoxxx

    Reply

  5. Katie @ Mom to Mom Nutrition says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:52 am

    Thinking of you Amee… and adding you to my list of prayers for woman who are going through breast cancer treatment. The good news is there are treatment options out there to get this crazy disease! While I’ve never experienced this myself, I know it hits close to home for many women and families. Again, my prayers and many positive thoughts headed your way!! XO!

    Reply

  6. Julie Degler says

    February 25, 2016 at 3:05 am

    I am so very sorry:( but the healthy lifestyle you have and are living , your postive mindset and your very strong body, and strong family, friends and faith willl help you get through this. Cancer indeed is can evil beast. We are here for you .

    Reply

  8. Jody says

    February 25, 2016 at 3:06 am

    I have heard the same words. It will be 13 years in May. Happy birthday to me. My 51st. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the luck in the world. I also had a mastectomy but was lucky I didn’t have radiation. I did take tamoxifen and I really hope you don’t have to walk down that road. I also had reconstruction surgery but chose tram flap. If you would like to talk with someone who has been down the road my please email. Take care. Jody

    Reply

  9. Maxine says

    February 25, 2016 at 3:15 am

    Hello beautiful. My heart goes out to you. Many warm thoughts & blessings through your journey. You have a strong body and mindset. I believe I speak for us all in saying we are all here for you, for a laugh, to listen with compassion, hear with empathy & to give you courage as this is your fight.

    Reply

  11. Debbie Chand says

    February 25, 2016 at 3:21 am

    Amee, you are an inspiration! This is so well written and very transparent! You’re amazing, we are all behind you and are here for anything you, Flynn or the kids ever need! There’s a pretty big group at CFE who love you guys!! 🙂

    Reply

  13. Biz says

    February 25, 2016 at 3:29 am

    All I can say is that I am going to make an appointment to get my mammogram (may be two or three years since my last one!) next week when I am off of work.

    I think being positive and proactive is the best approach, but of course, that’s easy for me to say. If you ever need to vent or anything – I am only an email away – hugs my friend!!

    Reply

  17. Denise says

    February 25, 2016 at 5:05 am

    I am crushed to reach this news and my thoughts are with you. No words are the right words at a time like this – just know you are in our thoughts! A positive attitude is the first step in healing – be strong and let those who love you do things for you. Rest and heal. 🙂

    Reply

  18. ellen says

    February 25, 2016 at 5:34 am

    Thoughts and prayers to you. Yes cancer sucks… be kind to yourself and let others be kind to you. Try not to let people’s responses or lack of responses rule how you feel. Some, well they dont know what to say.
    My husband has a very rare cancer with BRCA markers in a parotid gland so in effect has breast cancer he has had surgery and radiation. Clear last scan with another coming up soon.
    I wish you well on this journey…. there is a brighter day!

    Reply

  19. Pam says

    February 25, 2016 at 8:17 am

    Amee, I am so proud of you in your strength and courage. You wrote beautifully and with grace your story explaining what you are facing. I will continue keeping you and your family with loving thoughts and prayers. With God we have strength. Love and hugs, Aunt Pam

    Reply

  22. Lauren Kelly Nutrition says

    February 25, 2016 at 11:50 am

    Oh Amee, I am in tears right now. First of all, I am so glad you know you are not alone. You are surrounded with love from family and friends, near and far. I admire your strength and courage and I know you will get through this. I have had melanoma twice and now my latest condition that really changes your perspective. You are such a bad ass that cancer has no idea who they picked on this time! I love you and wish I could hug you in person. I am here (even though in NJ) but still, if you need anything at all. XO

    Reply

  23. Nettie Moore says

    February 25, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    Love to you Amee. You are amazing and strong and educated. You are my hero and I am sending you hugs and a shoulder to lean on. I am here for you if you need anything sweet girl.

    Reply

  25. Kaye says

    February 25, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    Amee…thanks for sharing such a private yet important story. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. I did everything right was my mantra for a long time. If it could happen to me it could happen to anyone was the otber. Double mastectomy, chemo, going bald, pain…..all in the past. 13 years now. We have got to keep spreading the word…it can happen to the best and the least of us! No one is immune! Stay positive, continue to eat right. Heal. I am living my life to the fullest now, taking nothing for granted. I am looking forward to hearing all about your journey! There is life on the other side of cancer!!

    Reply

  26. Marcie Rottinghaus says

    February 25, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Amee,
    I log in to FB about once a month, and today it had to be a God-thing that I logged in and saw your post. So beautifully written and real, your blog will inspire many women to get checked and to become your prayer warriors. Thank you for including “us” in your story and for allowing “us” to lift you up in prayer.

    Reply

  27. Rose Anne Livingston says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    Amee, you hit a homerun with this blog! You are constantly in our prayers and I hope you know how very much we love you. We’re so happy you are part of our family!

    Reply

  28. Cindy E. says

    February 25, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    Just read your post. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this experience. I know you will face this as strongly as anyone can, but I am sure that it is very overwhelming. Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Reply

  31. Beth says

    February 25, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    You have my prayers for a complete and perfect recovery, and that God will be your strength to face this and will be your comfort when you feel you can’t go on. My prayers for your family, as this is hard for them too.

    Reply

  34. Rebecca {foodie with family} says

    February 25, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    I know this is a seriously sucky diagnosis and that there will be a lot of platitudes and attitudes coming your way. All I can say is that I am sorry and I will be praying for you and I promise not to hit you with the latest and greatest guaranteed cures as offered by the internet. 😀

    Reply

  35. Lly says

    February 25, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    Amee… I have no words. I can only imagine your emotions and world. I want you to know that I’m a devoted foot soldier to you. Whatever you want/need me to do for your beautiful website and socIal media, I am here. I dont want to make it sound dismissive, but, you have invested immense time and energy into helping all of us. You have even a more compelling message now. Many of us in the boho tribe are ready to rally and help you. Let’s talk privately when you’re ready. Sending much love and big warm hugs.

    Reply

  36. Kimberly Layton says

    February 25, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    My prayers are with you both in your waiting for test results and for your cancer treatment(s). As you write, you can’t help your DNA; however, you have made all the right lifestyle changes that will help you recover much quicker. Amy, your message and healthy lifestyle are an inspiration not only to many of your readers, but most importantly to your immediate family members. Thank you for spreading the word. I’m praying for you.

    Reply

  37. Isabel Laessig says

    February 25, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    We are all here for you! You amazing me with you courage to write this post. Please know your are in my prayers. xoxo

    Reply

  38. Liz says

    February 25, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    Oh, Amee, I’m keeping you at the top of my prayer list. I hope you feel all the love from your fellow bloggers—we’re all rooting for a full remission!!! xoxo

    Reply

  40. Paul says

    February 25, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Amme I don’t know but I do know your family, including your aunt real well. I too have heard those words “you have cancer.” And know the feeling of that you have been tossed out of an airplane with a chute, and being in freefall. You start thinking of all the dark images and what all could happen. And when you are all alone you cry out to God “Why me? Why now?” Mine came when I was about to get married, and after finding out fearing the ‘what if’s’ she left me, which sent me into another free fall. However, I did what you must do surround yourself with strong friends and family who won’t let you down, always keep in your mind that you are going to beat this. Hey I am still alive and doing what I should be doing I just recently my fist murder mystery published, and working on my second, plus I find a lady who stays by through it all. In short cancer butt can be kicked, you just got aim high, and kick as hard as you can. If you need a voice that can help you through it…I am here. Good luck.

    Reply

  41. Brenda@SugarfreeMom says

    February 25, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    Oh Amee, I’m so sad to read this news! I just can’t believe it as well and it makes no sense. Always the healthiest of people and cancer still comes. I’m so sorry but please know I am praying and will continue to pray for you and your family. I believe in the power of prayer and I believe you will survive this! Thank you for sharing with us and please keep us posted as much as possible.

    Reply

  42. Erin says

    February 25, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    Thinking and praying for you and your family, Amee. You have so many people cheering you on and I know you can beat this! Stay strong, my friend!!

    Reply

  43. Deanna Segrave-Daly says

    February 26, 2016 at 12:35 am

    You are already showing your strength by so openly sharing this with the world. You will help others – no doubt- on this journey and your attitude is a huge positive in your favor to kicking cancer’s butt to the curb. You got a lot people here to support – lean on us! #ameestrong

    Reply

  44. Michelle says

    February 26, 2016 at 12:41 am

    Oh Amee, I’m sorry. You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong…you will beat this thing!
    And thank you for giving us all a kick in the pants. I always put my mammogram off, but you’re right, early detection is important. I think we all need to hear it.

    Reply

  46. Susan / the wimpy vegetarian says

    February 26, 2016 at 12:47 am

    I’m so glad you caught this early, and that you’re being so proactive. I’m sure all the healthy choices you’ve made for your body up until now will give you the strength you need to conquer it! We can’t change DNA (yet), but we can sure build some powerful forces when we need it. God speed to you in this journey.

    Reply

  47. MARY TARRANT says

    February 26, 2016 at 3:38 am

    my heart goes out to you !!!! the words women dread hearing. my first thought was “she cant have it – she lives so healthy” but you ARE strong and in great shape and that will help you thru all this . love to you and PLEASE CALL IF I CAN HELP YOU IN ANY WAY !!! WE LOVE YOU

    Reply

  48. Gail Rhymer says

    February 26, 2016 at 3:47 am

    AmeeI
    You don’t know me but Crosby is my dentist and friend and Rose Anne is an angel I met several years ago. You have a wonderful, loving and supportive family, this I know for sure. I was so sorry to hear this news from Rose Anne and I just want you to know that we have been praying for you. My husband was diagnosed last February with Prostate Cancer, stage 4. I never thought we would have to deal with the words, You have cancer, while in our early 60’s. I watched and cried as my husband weighed the options and we prayed for God to give us the direction he wanted us to take. Once you hear these words, your life is never the same. it’s really hard but boy, it certainly makes you stop and realize what is really important in life. We waited for a certain dr in Augusta, Ga and that wait seemed forever. The surgery was difficult and waiting for the path reports were even harder. But God is so good. The path reports indicated that this special surgeon had removed every cancer cell and today I can tell you he is cancer free. Its been a journey we would rather have not gone on, but in God’s plan, it has showed us what life and love really means and why we are allowed to travel in the valley but end up on the mountain. May God bless you and cover you in the coming weeks. Please know our love for your family extends to you as well. We are asking our friends to pray for you as well. Blessings do come thru, at the end of the rainbow.

    Reply

  49. Evelyn Johnsey says

    February 26, 2016 at 6:50 am

    Amee, Crosby, Sr. is my late husband’s (Bob Johnsey) first cousin. He and Rose Anne are special people to me. Rose Anne shared your diagnosis with me, asking for prayer for you and your family. Please know that request has and will be continuous for complete healing and quick recovery from surgery for you.

    Twenty years ago my son, now 53, learned that he had testicular cancer. His initial emotional reaction when he heard the dreadful Word applied to him was the same as you experienced. So was mine. He had major surgery in Charleston, then months of chemotherapy. He is a survivor and is still doing well. I know the power of prayer and the positive reports of healing from cancer patients. Nothing is too hard for our God. Please know you remain in my prayers for total healing. God bless you and yours.

    Reply

  51. Mary Christopher says

    February 26, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    Amee,
    We are friends with your inlaws, and love them dearly. We also are patients of Crosby II. RoseAnne told me of your diagnosis. Let me tell you my story, briefly. I am a retired CRNA. In 2003 I was also diagnosed with that dread disease. Everyone at my workplace, including myself, could not believe it! Not me! I worked out, I ran, I ate right, did not drink, did not smoke, was fairly young. “Why me God?” God said, Yes, you. Long story, short. I was given 6 months to 2 years to live. Well, it’s now 2016 and here I am. The crux of this is, we don’t know, ever, where He will take us. We aren’t given any guarantees. So take it one day at a time and He will see you through it. It isn’t easy, but no one said it would be easy either. God bless you and keep you close to Him.

    Reply

  53. Berta says

    February 26, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    Hi Amee, Wow, thank you for being so honest in sharing your story. You certainly have the right attitude. Mike and I will definitely be praying for you and your family. -Berta

    Reply

  54. Molly says

    February 26, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    Amee- So sorry to hear your news. I don’t follow your blog but follow Biz. My friend is a carrier of BRCA she has had preventive surgeries both breast reconstruction as well as her ovaries removed. I linked two organizations that she has spoke highly about as well as a link to her blog (which she was posting during her journey)

    best of luck, sounds like you have been on a journey to prepare yourself for this fight! You got this!

    https://www.brightpink.org/
    http://www.facingourrisk.org/index.php

    http://stayingpositivebrca.blogspot.com/

    Reply

  55. jennifer says

    February 26, 2016 at 9:18 pm

    Well damn it. Thinking of you, praying for you and your family . . . that this is as easy on everyone in your family as it can be, at that you heal fast and kick that crappy cancer’s butt. Let me know if you need anything

    Reply

  56. Michael says

    February 26, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    Hi Amee. It’s hard to hear the news. I pray your strength and big heart will prevail with successful procedures and recovery.
    Love you
    Michael

    Reply

  57. Agnes Lyles says

    February 26, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    Hey Amee! You don’t know me but I am Rose Ann’s 2nd cousin on our maternal side. She let me know about you the other day. I am praying for you,Flynn, and the children. You have a strong support system and I know wonderful doctors. Y’all will continually be in my thoughts and prayers. Agnes Lyles

    Reply

  58. Elizabeth says

    February 27, 2016 at 3:31 am

    Wow Amee. What a strong brave woman you are. My sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you. Your determination, healthy lifestyle and strong family support is amazing! Your blogging community is sending you so much love. Xoxx.

    Reply

  59. Jessica @ Nutritioulicious says

    February 27, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time Amee. You are so strong to already be out there sharing your story with the world – you will get through this and you have a lot of support behind you. Keep up the strength and positive thoughts.

    Reply

  60. Charlie Hills says

    February 27, 2016 at 2:41 pm

    Hi there. My sister Biz sent me here from her last blog post. In 2002 my wife went through exactly what you describe here (including the five year run of Tamoxifen). It’s 14 years later, and she’s perfectly fine. Then four years ago, I caught a nasty bout of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (stage IV at time of diagnosis) and yet here I am leaving comments on strangers’ blogs. You got this.

    Reply

    • Amee Livingston says

      February 27, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      Charlie, thanks so much for taking the time to write me. Your sister is one of my favorite people on the planet! She is so inspiring!! I’m so glad you and your wife are doing great!

      Reply

  61. Marion@LifeTastesGood says

    February 28, 2016 at 6:21 am

    Amee, I’m so sorry to hear this news. I’m keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and kick cancer’s butt! My mom did it after being diagnosed at age 70 with stage 4 breast cancer! Yep! It was in the bone, but now her scans all come back clear! Miracles happen <3 She defied all the odds & turns 80 on Friday (shhhh! She'd murder me for telling you that!) I know you can do this!! Sending lots of positivity and strength your way! {{{Hugs}}}

    Reply

  62. Jeanette | Jeanette's Healthy Living says

    March 4, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    Amee – so sorry to hear of your diagnosis – but thank you for being so open and honest to raise awareness for all of us. Praying for a full recovery – love your positive and upbeat attitude – I have several friends who had breast cancer, including one with stage 4 triple negative breast cancer. They are all doing great – having support of friends and family and keeping a positive outlook really helped them.

    Reply

    • Amee Livingston says

      March 5, 2016 at 3:29 am

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I have heard so many inspiring stories from other women who have fought this battle. Thank you for taking time to visit the blog and comment. xo~

      Reply

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